18

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Born from a failed experiment, 18 is a group of lyrics that seemingly came out of nowhere.

After finishing Diurnal, I was inspired by Weezer’s SZNZ project. Essentially, the band was releasing an EP of six songs on the first day of each corresponding season. Every group of tunes also had a distinct sound that truly embodied the time of year they represented. It was executed extremely well and I was very excited about ripping the format off. To put my own twist on it however, my version would also represent a specific year in my life. I’m better at basing stuff around myself, so I figured it’d be playing to my strengths anyway.

Tentatively titled Closed Quarters, work on the project started in 2022 or 2023. I started to make some decent progress until eventually running into problems though. While some of the material was my strongest in a long time, other lyrics began to feel forced. I was conforming around the concept instead of writing things that were organic reflections of what I felt. Before long, most lyrics felt like padding and it led me to re-evaluate everything. Eventually, I took the strongest pieces, decided to abandon the previous concept and focus on a new grouping that maintained the time period without the seasonal aspect. Everything that didn’t fit was ultimately scrapped.

What follows is not that project.

About a month and a half before publishing this short group, I shared an unfinished version of 15 Hours on facebook. It was just a quick little way to celebrate the first day of summer and not intended as anything more. When I was mapping out the original idea, 15 Hours was supposed to start the summer grouping of Closed Quarters. Because of this, it seemed like a fun piece to share with my friends.

It also made me realize the lyrics were pretty good. Sitting with that for awhile, I eventually revisited other stuff from the Closed Quarters project. Before too long, Summer Season’s opening lines were getting into my head and I fleshed them out soon after. From there, lyrics for The Optimists came from the title alone (a nod to a park next to my high school.) This was all happening so fast and writing it was easy! Inspired by the line about the full moon being a sure disaster in 15 Hours, Horror Show came into focus and I had four things that really excited me all of a sudden.

Going back to Closed Quarters, I plucked another couple of favourites that didn’t fit the next project’s direction. Originally set to bookend spring, Light Perception and Last Dance suddenly felt like they could be the perfect way to bookend this new set of four songs I’d whipped up. Eventually, I sent all six things to my friend Carol (who helped make Diurnal a million times better through her suggestions and edits.) After her feedback, everything got an extra layer of polish and here we are! The whole idea was to work quickly, maintain quality and make this a bit of a surprise drop for the summer.

As for the title, it still follows the idea of these lyrics being about a certain year of my life. In my head, they sound like 2001-era Weezer with more of a punk pop sound. Considering they’re about the summer when I was 18, that probably makes sense.

Enjoy and know that this is just a prologue for what’s to come. 🙂

Lyrics Content

01. Light Perception

02. Summer Season

03. The Optimists

04. 15 Hours

05. Horror Show

06. Last Dance

Light Perception

Our lives move in cycles

It’s hard to explain

We’ve crawled through the winter

To resurface again

Brought out of our comas

As daylight streams in

My eyes strain to see it

But there’s warmth on my skin

Light perception, this light perception

This light perception remains

I’ve been waiting for change… and it’s coming today

With constant persistence

It builds like a storm

We’ve slept through the darkness

As our future reformed

From days once restricted

My pulse starts to race

Pushed back from the twilight

In a quickening pace

Light perception, this light perception

This light perception remains

I’ve been waiting for change… and it’s coming today

Nobody knows what to say

When something so good is finally heading their way

We’re always convinced of our place

Despite what it means for these dreams when we try to escape

Light perception, this light perception

This light perception remains

I’ve been waiting for change… and it’s coming today

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Summer Season

Eye of the tiger, mouth of a liar

Seeking me out from the start

Dumb and dismissive, cast as the victim

Easy to spot as a mark

It leaves me trailing off, it couldn’t get much worse

I try my best to stay afloat but this is gonna hurt

I’m stuck without a reason

Run down and barely breathing

Some looks are so deceiving

Inside this summer season

This summer season

Spent all three wishes, zero conditions

Watching the monkey paw curl

Found a new lover, sent from above or

Caught in between our two worlds

It’s so impossible, it isn’t rational

I’m tripping over words like language isn’t fashionable

I’m stuck without a reason

Run down and barely breathing

Some looks are so deceiving

Inside this summer season

I’ve been drifting too long

Now my blinders are on

Calling out from the shore

I’ll be shipwrecked at dawn

Is it only a dream?

Still a mess while pristine

Though the weather has changed

It’s so hard to come clean

I’m stuck without a reason

Run down and barely breathing

Some looks are so deceiving

Inside this summer season

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The Optimists

Grabbed yourself a coffee

We’ll hang out at the bookstore

You’ve played the ballerina

Now everybody thinks that you’re a whore

I know it doesn’t sound nice

They’ve sharpened each word to stab you in time but

What’s the point in playing with knives? Let’s do what we want

We can be the optimists

We can spend our time out in the sun

Give into this consequence

We can ride this wave until it’s gone

Until it’s gone

Get yourself a sweater

We’ll stare into this bonfire

You’ve played the perfect hostess

While everybody thinks that we’ve conspired

I know it doesn’t make sense

Swearing their lies have the best of intent but

Choices made aren’t accidents, let ’em say what they want

We can be the optimists

We can spend our time out in the sun

Give into this consequence

We can ride this wave until it’s gone

Everybody’s got something to claim

No one really knows what can’t be viewed

Cut up into pieces, counting each weakness misconstrued

I’ll keep on talking slow and straight

I think it’s time to bid them all adieu

So we can be the optimists

We can spend our time out in the sun

Give into this consequence

We can ride this wave until it’s gone

We can be the optimists

We can spend our lives the way we want

Shedding any consequence

We can ride this wave until it’s gone

Until it’s gone

We’ll find our setting sun

There’s nowhere left to run

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15 Hours

Coming down main street, staring straight at me

She’s walking my way, so hard to escape

Superbitch t-shirt, crimson red dye job

I don’t wanna wait, now give me a taste

I’ll end up broken hearted

When all this light’s departed

We’ve got 15 hours so let’s make them count

Pretending it’s okay until the sun burns out

In hiding each conviction our desires betray

We’ve got 15 hours, 15 hours to waste

Call it cathartic, pre-gaming parties

With every mistake, they’re too much to fake

Missing the rebound, crying by sundown

Destroyed to obey, what else can I say?

I’ll leave here broken hearted

Embarrassed and outsmarted

We’ve got 15 hours so let’s make them count

Pretending it’s okay until the sun burns out

In hiding each conviction our desires betray

We’ve got 15 hours, 15 hours to waste

I’m scared of what comes after

Full moon, a sure disaster

Every second keeps moving faster

Ticking and ticking away

We’ve got 15 hours so let’s make them count

Pretending it’s okay until the sun burns out

In hiding each conviction our desires betray

We’ve got 15 hours, 15 hours…

We’ve got 15 hours so let’s make them count

Pretending it’s okay until the stars come out

In hiding each conviction our desires betray

We’ve got 15 hours, 15 hours to waste

Only 15 hours, 15 hours to waste

There’s no coming back, there ain’t no escape

Only 15 hours, 15 hours to waste

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Horror Show

Creature of the night

How I long to make you mine

We’re strangely intertwined despite the distance

Howling at the moon

Did I play my hand too soon?

I’ve crawled out of this tomb as something different

Although it’s real life

I’m in a horror show

It leaves me screaming out

Now I’ll never let go

I’ll never let go

Racing down the hill

I can feel a bitter chill

Colliding with the guilt for being lonely

Cursed and torn apart

As you hold my beating heart

Surrounded by this darkness that controls me

Although it’s real life

I’m in a horror show

It leaves me screaming out

Now I’ll never let go

I’ll never let go

While I ain’t nothing but a willing sacrifice

Since I never thought twice, rushing into my demise

We danced macabre as you basked in this delight

I was so hypnotized, silent prey you’d leave behind

Empty as the night

Now you’ve overwhelmed my mind

I’m slowly going blind from all the distance

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Last Dance

Put on your best dress darling

I’ll wear my fancy suit

Forgetting false intentions

I’m so obsessed with you

Running scenes in my mind

Now I’m watching this life on rewind

To edit and splice what I find when nobody’s looking

Our future’s wild and reckless

Outstretched in this defeat

It’s slips right through my fingers

Stuck in a twisted dream

Running scenes in my mind

Now I’m watching this life on rewind

To edit and splice what I find when nobody’s looking

I’m not sure what to do, I can’t skip straight through to the end

My love feels sick and wrong but I’ll play every minute again

It’s the last dance of the night

Both your hips sway side to side

Underneath this faded light

I watch you cling to him

Should’ve known what to expect

Haven’t earned that honour yet

Seasons change and I’ll relent

With shorter days ahead

No longer so repressed

It’s time that I confess

I know you’ve been scheming, it’s always repeating

I see your deceptions defying all meaning

So blinded by colours that come with this love as

You show me a light I can’t get from another

I can’t get from another

Running scenes in my mind

As this double life starts to unwind

Moving past what’s not mine

While a muse isn’t easy to find

It’s funny who gets left behind when nobody’s looking

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