Where It Ends

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Another milestone in my writing catalogue, Where It Ends is surprisingly straightforward.

For some reason, I put these early lyrics in groups of four. It’s probably because Sleepwalking, Under The Microscope, Constantly Travelling and Happy Inc. were written in 2001 before Trial Of Errors in 2003. Because of that, Where It Ends has always felt like the end of a chapter. (Of course, the finality of the title also helps.)

Despite this, I wouldn’t say it explores new ground structurally. After experimenting with Smokescreens and using Sorry For The Mess to merge styles with my previous work, these lyrics are fairly formulaic: It’s rare for something to divert from your typical verse/chorus/verse/chorus/bridge/chorus structure actually. Still, what makes this such an important landmark for me is the evolution and refinement of how a subject or message gets relayed. It just feels like the language is more direct or blunt somehow.

Writing these lyrics was a lot easier than the previous grouping though. Funnily enough, I actually began work on this project while being in the home stretch on Sorry For The Mess. Certain things just had a different feel, so they would get set aside and put into contention for this grouping. out of those early lyrics, I think Something is the only one that made the cut however. (Most ended up being really good and earned leftover status.)

As far as the title goes, it came from something I scrapped during these writing sessions. It was called This Is Where It Ends and will be in the Fireteddy National Library (if it isn’t there already.) I really liked it because these lyrics are about many things and the overall title could be left open to interpretation. The “It” in Where It Ends could relate to many things: A relationship, life, loneliness, abuse, self-harm, bitterness, etc. I just thought it really worked as a catch all for the themes that get explored along the way.

The only thing I regret about these is how blatantly they rip off melodies from other songs. Like nine out of 12 are heavily “influenced” by known music. It just feels like I have less authorship over them as a result. When it comes to favourites, I’d have to include Vampire In Disguise, Self-Esteem, Something, Civilians and Hardest Part.

Those interested in the original version of Where It Ends can find it in the library. In addition, you can check out what didn’t make the cut here.

Lyrics Content

01. Freak Turbulence

02. Vampire In Disguise

03. Wasted Years

04. Close Your Eyes

05. Self-Esteem

06. After The Fact

07. Something

08. Let It Go

09. Strange Interpretations

10. Civilians

11. Knives And Hearts

12. Hardest Part

Freak Turbulence

Drop into the bunker

Nothing much left to say

It leaves you staring in wonder

This blunder’s only a phase

It’s coming in for no reason

You think it’s yours but it’s not

When it’s your heart that was bleeding

Your fleeting moments were caught

Where were we that summer night?

When we held on for our dear lives

I never thought we would survive

Are we alive?

Drop into the shelter

We’ve got some problems to spare

But when they sputter and swelter

You’ll sell the lies that you’ve shared

They’re coming in for the target

Now this reliance is sick

The battle makes you defiant

I guess that timing’s the trick

Where were we that summer night?

When we held on for our dear lives

I never thought we would survive

Are we alive?

Come apart and come back in

There’s no false starts where we begin

Nothing much left to make sense

It always finds freak turbulence

Where were we that summer night?

When we held on for our dear lives

I never thought we would survive

Are we alive?

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Vampire In Disguise

Riding skies on daddy’s cash

High on wine and the boyfriend’s stash

Falling in love with these fabled words

Black lipstick drawn to match the absurd

Broken inside to care for yourself

Falling in love but fucked someone else

Ain’t it a dream? It’s more like a joke

Coming up crazy as you drift in the smoke

Why are you only out at night?

Where you can feed like a parasite

I don’t know where you’ll find your demise

You’re like a vampire in disguise

You’re a vampire in disguise

Playing the victim isn’t really that hard

You act like your tortured and feed off a heart

Maybe it’s something we don’t understand

Attention and loathing are the things you demand

It’s attention you crave and attention you need

You can feed off a heart until the entire thing bleeds

But in the end you’re the one still holding your head

With the lives you’ve destroyed from the words that you said

Why are you only out at night?

Where you can feed like a parasite

I don’t know where you’ll find your demise

You’re like a vampire in disguise

You’re a vampire in disguise

The sunlight will flicker and then you’ll come home

Forgetting the past and the things you’ve condoned

How can you stop when it’s all that you know?

You can’t drop it off and expect to let go

It’s not that I’m here to tell you you’re wrong

It resides in the fact that they won’t play along

The panicking words are still in your soul

You wish you could change but you’ve lost all control

Why are you only out at night?

Where you can feed like a parasite

I don’t know where you’ll find your demise

You’re like a vampire in disguise

You’re a vampire in disguise

The panicking words are still in your soul

You wish you could change but you’ve lost all control

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Wasted Years

I must admit from time to time

I wonder what you’re doing

Waiting for the day you’re mine

As the future’s always moving

Wondering when the light comes on

While everything’s the same still

It cracks inside the light of dawn

In the space your name should fill

So I don’t know what to say

And I still don’t know your name

Could it be that I’m to blame?

So as we drift from year to year

I don’t know where we’re headed

Waiting for the day, I fear

I’ll blink and just regret it

If this is how it’s meant to be

If this is where our place is

I’m sure that you’ll still come to me

In time and then retrace it

So I don’t know what to say

And I still don’t know your name

Could it be that I’m to blame?

For these wasted years, these wasted years

You’re always so unknown

I need some light and I can’t let it go

No I can’t let it go this time

I’m searching hard for peace of mind, oh yeah

So I don’t know what to say

And I still don’t know your name

Could it be that I’m to blame?

Oh I always watch it sliding

When will I be finding peace of mind?

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Close Your Eyes

I could walk a thousand miles

To reach my destination

Or I could drown in my denial

And live with my frustration

But this is where I test myself

And all of my endurance

I can’t depend on someone else

If I’m straining now to cure it

My future won’t depend on you

It’s something that I’ll never do

But that’s alright you see, I knew we’d never be

My past was left to it’s demise

So shut your mouth and close your eyes

Yeah that’s alright by me, you’re still not what I need

I could sail all seven seas

To hide in my seclusion

They say the best things come for free

At least that’s the illusion

While Someday this will all make sense

For those who still don’t get it

Desire can poison innocence

But only if you let it

My future won’t depend on you

It’s something that I’ll never do

But that’s alright you see, I knew we’d never be

My past was left to it’s demise

So shut your mouth and close your eyes

Yeah that’s alright by me, you’re still not what I need

From conscience to unconsciousness

In fairy tales to happiness

Something will remain amiss

If you depend on them for this

Oh but ain’t it bliss?

My future won’t depend on you

It’s something that I’ll never do

But that’s alright you see, I knew we’d never be

My past was left to it’s demise

So shut your mouth and close your eyes

Yeah that’s alright by me, you’re still not what I need

Oh that’s alright by me, you’re still not what I need

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Self-Esteem

Everybody in this world that I’ve known

Gets their way when it comes down to me

I’m very careful for the things I condone

But I know that I lack self-esteem

So everybody that was part of my past

They just left when they’d all heard enough

I raised my voice until it faltered at last

Hard to say but I’m just not that tough

When confrontation comes my way

I always just give up

I don’t wanna be nothing to anyone

I just wanna be something I’d believe

I’m sorry if that makes me selfish

But selfless things never come for free

And I need some self-esteem

Oh I need some self-esteem

All the girls that I’ve ever been with

Are the ones who would not stick around

Heart over head and it’s coming down quick

In the end I’m the one who’s let down

When confrontation comes my way

I always play the clown

I don’t wanna be nothing to anyone

I just wanna be something I’d believe

I’m sorry if that makes me selfish

But selfless things never come for free

And I need some self-esteem

Oh I need some self-esteem

If I’m honest with my feelings will they all turn away?

Will they be clearing up some room for the plans we never made?

I’m running out of oxygen and now I’m getting sick

Is there any sense of reason in these truths I’ll never fix?

When confrontation comes my way

I always just give in

I don’t wanna be nothing to anyone

I just wanna be something I’d believe

I’m sorry if that makes me selfish

But selfless things never come for free

And I need some self-esteem

Oh I need some self-esteem

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After The Fact

Maybe we could talk awhile

Do you know just what I mean?

I sure could use some company

But this beauty’s so obscene

Maybe I could sacrifice

My thoughts to fill your needs

I’m looking for some self-respect

Because the world still won’t concede

These clumsy words repeat

They all trace back to me

I wonder what I need?

Maybe we could laugh some more

Do you know just what I feel?

I think I’m sick of loneliness

But this beauty’s so unreal

Maybe I could still confess

How superficial it’s become

I think I’ve had an epiphany

But this world’s so cumbersome

These clumsy words repeat

They all trace back to me

I wonder what I need?

I’m tired of your deceit

These clumsy words repeat

But who needs your company?

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Something

The tension here begins to build

I’m wondering where I lost the thrill

I don’t think that I have the will to keep me hanging on

And these days I’m just so messed up

Because I’m sure I’ve had enough

Go out and get the handcuffs so that I can play along

Waiting and still concentrating

Contemplating every single lie

Now say goodbye

I’m pretty sure I’ve skinned my knees

But all the torture comes for free

You’re clawing out of the debris for something to distort

They tell me that you look so fine

But they don’t know you’ve lost your mind

I hate to say that I’m the one who holds such blind remorse

Sinking and still over thinking

Drinking down your lying compromise

Now say goodbye

We’re never gonna be close friends

Cause that would have to be something

And I don’t wanna be something to you

I’ll refuse to sit and talk

It’s useless now, the doors are locked

While all your love is on the rocks again

I’m tired and I need to get some rest

Why did I take this stupid risk?
It’s not like me, but that’s just it
Maybe I was just obsessed

But now it’s all a goddamn mess

It’s something I’ll confess

Nothing more and nothing less

We’re never gonna be close friends

Cause that would have to be something

And I don’t wanna be something to you

I’ll refuse to sit and talk

It’s useless now, the doors are locked

While all your love is on the rocks again

I’m tired and I need to get some rest

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Let It Go

Flip switch turn around

Take a look at what you’ve found

I tell myself that nothing lasts

Not the present, not the past

Dealing with the learning curve

You try to stop but then you swerve

As accidents obstruct mistakes

Each one you’ve made will dissipate

The world keeps on spinning

And there’s time left for forgiving

Forgive yourself and then just let it go

Heart stroke dial up

What you need still ain’t enough

Never mind what you’ve received

It’s colder when you can’t believe

This feeling or this lack thereof

Breaking points, disjointed love

As hearts depart for suicide

They never stopped to wonder why

The world keeps on spinning

And there’s time left for forgiving

Forgive yourself and then just let it go

There’s nothing that makes sense

In this time of emptiness

Maybe there’s some things we just don’t know

Maybe you should try to let it go

You never know what could happen

You’re never sure what’s awaiting you

Maybe it’s just for reaction

All these games that we go through

But what’s the reason? What’s the deal?

Has it gone too far to feel?

Nobody knows, nobody knows…

The world keeps on spinning

And there’s time left for forgiving

Forgive yourself and then just let it go

There’s nothing that makes sense

In this time of emptiness

Maybe there’s some things we just don’t know

Maybe you should try to let it go

Maybe there’s some things we just don’t know

Maybe you should try to let it go

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Strange Interpretations

Interpret this one how you want

There’s still a few things left to flaunt

I’m getting tired but I can’t get much sleep

Twist the words to make them fit

We’ll play these games and see who wins

Making truths that someone will believe

And I won’t care about it

Though you will always doubt it

This is fear and fear alone

So don’t you do what’s not condoned

Or you’re gonna end up living life alone

Are all the phrases sinking in?

The dirty facts for all your friends

I’m getting sick and I don’t wanna know

Twist the knife inside the wound

Divide and conquer all the doomed

They’re waiting for the signal, then they’ll go

But I won’t care about it

Though you will always doubt it

This is fear and fear alone

So don’t you do what’s not condoned

Or you’re gonna end up living life alone

You’re gonna end up living life alone

You were the one always running to the road

Searching for a purpose, you were waiting to explode

Now you got a taste and it’s this bitter pill you’ve known

But there has to be a season for the reasons in your bones

This is fear and fear alone

So don’t you do what’s not condoned

Or you’re gonna end up living life alone

It’s what you do, not who you know

It’s where you are and where you’ll go

So don’t you end up living life alone

Don’t you end up living life alone

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Civilians

Got me on a string again

You wanna see a life explode

You’ll never find me giving in

You’re perverted and it shows

Maybe I’m the same as you

But it lies in circumstance

You can always leech off someone new

It’s what your misery demands

Civilians die in the line of fire

But you just stand there and watch the war

You refuse to take responsibility

So what are you complaining for?

Watch me through the microscope

You wanna see this self-destruct

It’s hard to handle, hard to cope

But you never gave a fuck

Maybe you’re the same as me

But it dies with consequence

If this ignorance is what you plead

It’ll harbour your defense

Civilians die in the line of fire

But you just stand there and watch the war

You refuse to take responsibility

So what are you complaining for?

What are you complaining for?

No I’m not an angel

Oh and I’ll never pretend to be

You’re getting colder with the devil on your shoulder

As you grow older will you ever see?

I won’t mess with my bad thoughts

So they’ll never mess with me

Civilians die in the line of fire

But you just stand there and watch the war

You refuse to take responsibility

So what are you complaining for?

What are you complaining for?

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Knives And Hearts

Finding faith or faith in love

From loneliness to rise above

In faith from all the things we do

A piece of me, it lies with you

Never has there been such doubt

There’s somethings we can’t live without

Certain things to fall apart

Tricks we play with knives and hearts

Counting all the years

Finding ground to run away

But it’s in tune with our decay

In faith for what we had before

I couldn’t ask for anymore

I’ve never known a stranger time

While in my search for peace of mind

As distances and boundaries flow

I’ve found a love I can’t let go

Counting all the years

Find some faith in what you want

Inside the truth your memories haunt

What you see ain’t what it seems

What if life is just a dream?

There’s time to run and time for truth

Eclipsing moons won’t hide this youth

Leave behind what you don’t need

And know that you don’t have to bleed

Counting all the years

To watch them disappear

What are we doing here?

I don’t know

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Hardest Part

Where beauty lies, you’ll find your place

And all this pain will be erased

Though you’ll be gone, you’ll still be there

I understand you’ll always care

In times like these, I know it’s tough

Our hearts will bleed, but won’t give up

As days go by, the scars will heal

Since we can’t help the way we feel

From the ending to the start

Through the beating of our hearts

It seems that sometimes letting go

Is still the hardest part

Take my heart and take my soul

Do what you must to take control

I’ll wipe my tears, with no regrets

I promise you I won’t forget

In the end, we had our time

We’ll meet again, across that line

My guard will fall until I crack

And then there’ll be no turning back

From the ending to the start

Through the beating of our hearts

It seems that sometimes letting go

Is still the hardest part

It’s still the hardest part

But you’ll be in my heart

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